Why Do We Struggle with Self-Control?

I am around sixteen months into a new gym and dieting routine; as a result, my social media feed is full of recommendations about diet, exercise, and supplements. But the most interesting video recommendations have been the motivational talks. And let me tell you—the messages have been quite mixed. 

In Scripture, self-control is described explicitly in passages like Galatians 5:23, 2 Peter 1:6, and others. "Be self-controlled," says the apostle Paul. And to that, we respond, "Yes, sir.!" But more often than not, it is addressed indirectly. Consider that the first commandment in the Scriptures is “Do not eat” (Gen 2:17), and the last is “Do not add to the words of this book” (Rev 22:19). Sin, according to John, is a transgression of the law, which we can decide to obey or disobey (1 John 3:4). We can safely say that a lack of self-restraint - or self-control - is at the heart of most of our moral failings.

Let us define our terms. Here's my definition of self-control, inspired by Ed Welch: Self-control is the ability to maintain boundaries for your own protection and flourishing. Consider Proverbs 25:28: "Like a city that is broken into and without a wall, is a man without restraint over his spirit."

The lack of self-control is the root of so many everyday sins. Past losing your temper, self-control - or temperance - is like a trunk with many branches. Many vices and virtues flower from this tree: laziness, overeating (or eating disorders), drunkenness, procrastination, gossip, greed, binge-watching, the daily spiritual disciplines, evangelism, forgiveness, and repentance. It is a significant root indeed. If self-control is as important to a man's character as a wall is to an ancient city, then how is man to obtain it? What is the answer to the man who cannot get out of bed in the morning, the college student who cannot escape the clutches of lust, the mom who cannot say no to the pantry, or the grandmother who continues to listen to their gossiping friend? 

Why is self-control such a difficult virtue for mankind to master? That's the question, is it not? 

None of us truly want to be without self-control: 600 pounds overweight, so easily controlled, and often triggered by those who love us most. None of us want to be stuck in bed every day, or dependent on addictive substances. No one likes the headache after spending too much time on your phone, or eating bad food, or drinking too much. No. Rather, we all desire some sort of self-restraint.

This is where the world is plainly confused. On the one hand, our society today tells us that we don't need to restrain ourselves from what anyone thinks of us or expects of us. We ought to be free to do whatever our heart tells us to do, after all. And we shouldn't feel ashamed about it. "Here, have another. Spend just a bit more. Stay up and play just one more level." I call it the "no-harm, no-foul" rule. They say, "Who cares? It won't hurt anyone. There's no shame in just looking." 

But herein lies the irony. Our society also knows that we do feel ashamed about these things and we hate feeling that way. That is why our world in modern times is saturated with people trying to control their appetites, bodily appearance, health, and emotions. I call it the "Just say no" rule. You have the power to discipline yourself. Just do it. You got this. 

But Scripture says that neither of these things will work. Why? Because laziness isn't the cause. It is the symptom. At the heart of things, our real problem is that we love sin. That's why we do it. The world would like to detach our physical behaviors from our spiritual identity, but this cannot be done. Laziness is a heart issue. It stems from a love of idleness. Love is the keyword here. Mankind has yet to demonstrate mastery over their very loves. That takes a spiritual work. 

And this is where Scripture comes in. So, where can a man get self-control? Paul answers that it is through obedient faith, empowered by grace. The list of commands in Titus 2 speaks more to the matter of temperance than any other section of Scripture. It requires specific elements of self-control for the older men, older women, younger women, and younger men in the church. Paul even addresses his readers as, at present, "Liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons" (Titus 1:12).

This is not just some "Just say no" rationale. Paul has called them to a high standard of obedience, yes. But he does more than just that. He offers the secret to living a self-controlled life at the end of Titus 2 when he says, "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us that, denying ungodliness and worldly desires, we should live sensibly, righteously, and godly in the present age" (Titus 2:11–12). In order to deny ungodliness and worldly lusts, we cannot look within. We need a power from outside of us to do what we cannot do ourselves. We need grace to teach us. 

There is no contradiction between these two realities. We need to faithfully obey what Christ has commanded. We need to depend on his grace to sanctify our efforts and change us from the inside out. This is the only way for the angry to be peaceful, for the bitter to forgive, for liars to become truth-proclaimers, and for the lazy to become self-controlled.  

Dear Christian, make time to meditate on the power of grace to set you free from sin. At the same time, plan to become more disciplined. Make regular times of confession and repentance a part of that routine. Get help from others and trust in their help, not in just your own good intentions. Grace is available for those who depend upon it. Grace that changes us from the inside out. That's what the Gospel does. May we take full advantage of it.

JOSEPH PLISKA
1689 Covenantalism | Amillennialism
Joseph Pliska is a church-planting missionary to Tokyo, Japan. He was ordained and sent out of Landmark Baptist Church in Louisville, KY. He is a husband to Sierah and father of a beautiful baby girl. He has a masters from Southern Seminary and records and produces Christian audiobooks on the side when not studying Japanese. Joe and his team in Japan have a heart to plant Baptist churches in urban Japan, led by mature and qualified men with the heart and training to evangelize and disciple others.